Love is for Losers

Whyyy do I feel so seen when I read these books?

Oh, right, queer book website. Duh.

Every thought, action and emotion that flitted through main character's Phoebe's mind made absolute sense to me. The tight, choppy prose (the entire novel is presented as a particularly terse teen's personal diary) immediately told me who this girl was and how she saw life. How confusing interpersonal relationships seemed to be, veering from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other with hardly a breath inbetween. The whiplash as you try to tamp down the hard, bad feelings no matter how much they struggle and whimper, only to have them explode out from your grasp when you least expect it.

Writing characters on the autism spectrum is hard. (I'm going to take a wild leap of faith here and assume Phoebe is on the autism spectrum, despite never being officially confirmed in the novel.) Much in the same way that depictions of mental illness handled incorrectly can seem trite or patronizing to those who actually have those conditions, too often autism comes off as performative, a collection of traits or tics or quirks instead of a character.

Phoebe, on the other hand, feels authentic and true in a way I haven't often encountered in a novel, especially one aimed at younger readers. Both in how she relates to herself and others, I can 100% confirm her actions are, if not exactly how I would act, completely within the realm of possibility. In that portrayal, I can see how some people might be put off by the book (much in the same way I find some neurotypical folks are put off by neurospicy behavior and thinking). 

Though I don't think I can classify this novel as happy or peppy, it was nevertheless driven and energetic. It doesn't have a sad ending, per se, but it's not all sunshine and rainbouws (no, that's how they spell it in England, it's fine). But oh my gosh, this book was a wonderful chance to step outside myself and see the world filtered through someone else who thinks just like me. And that's so rare and valuable, I can't help but cherish it.